Jokes (Stolen from HeeroYuy0905 of GW of AG)

FallenAngel5766

Post whatever jokes you find funny.

George Bush finds a sort of time machine that lets you ask it questions about the future that it will answer, so Geroge Bush asks -
- Will there ever be a WWIII?
- Yes, there will.
- Oh, damn! Will my country survive?
- Yes, it will.
- What about my family?
- They'll live too.

Bush breathed a sigh of relief, having found out the most important things, and decided to ask something as a joke, so he asked -

-How much will a coke cost?
-Ten roubles.
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Life is a game of chess, upon the end of which, both kings and pawns are placed in the same box.

GrinfilledCelt · Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 3:32 pm Post subject:

A guy dies and finds himself in Hell's lobby. There are hundreds of people and a few imps directing them to choose which door to go through. He sees two doors; one marked "Capitalist Hell" And one marked "Communist Hell". There is a very long line in front of the communist door.

He gets the attention if an imp and asks why no one wants to go to Capitalist hell. The imp says, "Oh, it's terrible in there. It's full of fire and brimstone. You wouldn't like it at all."

"Well, what's the communist hell like?"

"Oh, it's terrible in there too. It's full of fire and brimstone. You wouldn't like it at all."

"That sounds the same as the capitalist hell. What's the difference?"

The imp looks a bit chagrined as he explains, "Well, in the communist hell they keep running out of fire and brimstone."

---

Did you hear about the young couple who didn't know the difference between window putty and KY-Jelly?
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Songs for the flash frozen.

FallenAngel5766 · Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 4:24 pm Post subject:

No, please do tell. Meanwhile... kind of similar to yours...

An American and a Russian die and go to Heaven. They stand in front of St. Peter's Gate and St. Peter tells them - "You can either go to the American Heaven or the Russian Heaven. It's really good in both, you just have to eat one bag of manure in the morning and it's all fun and games from there."

Both being ardent patriots, they choose their own respective Heavens. A few hundred years later they meet up again. The Russian asks the American:

-So, what's it like in the American Heaven?
-Oh, it's great, you just have to eat that one bag of manure in the morning, and then it's drinks, girls, games, all the fun you can have.
-Ah, that's kind of like ours, only different.
-Wait, what do you mean different?
-Well... it's the same way it was in Russia - either there are no more bags or they haven't pitched the manure yet.
_________________
Life is a game of chess, upon the end of which, both kings and pawns are placed in the same box.

JetBlack87 · Black Dog Joined: 27 Mar 2006 Posts: 318

This is from memory, so he spelling might be off.

Wen ist das dunstruk git und slaughtermeyer? Ja! Beherhund das oder die flippervault gersput.

FallenAngel5766 · Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 10:41 pm Post subject:

Is that the joke that killed anyone who heard it? What does it mean?
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Life is a game of chess, upon the end of which, both kings and pawns are placed in the same box.

Anime Otaku Chik · Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 11:08 pm Post subject:

Why yes, it is! If only I remembered what it meant... It's something rather stupid.
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JetBlack87 · Black Dog Joined: 27 Mar 2006 Posts: 318

It doesn't mean anything. It's jibberish.

Marquise Revan De Wilde · Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 4:28 am Post subject:

A Preacher wanted to raise money for his church and, being told there were fortunes in Race horses, he decided to purchase one and enter it in the races.However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so steep he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races, and to his surprise the donkey came in third. The next day the racing sheets carried the headlines,

"Preacher's Ass shows"

The Preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the races again and this time he won! The papers said,

"Preacher's Ass out in Front"

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The newspaper printed this headline,

"Bishop Scratches Preacher's Ass"

This was just too much for the Bishop and he ordered the Preacher to get rid of the animal. The Preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The headlines the next day read,

"Nun has the Best Ass in Town"

The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to dispose of the donkey and she finally found a farmer who was willing to buy it for $10.00. The paper states,

"Nun Peddles Ass for Ten Bucks"

They buried the Bishop the next day.
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There will always be that little bit of night your flashlight can't scatter...that's we're I'll be waiting.

swollenlymphnodes · Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 5:26 am Post subject:

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nodes aka GTBaka
PDT_Zamourai_11

eh?
*Eternally Lurking*

Anime Otaku Chik · Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 10:46 am Post subject:

rofl where do you guys get these jokes, eh?
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FallenAngel5766 · Posted: Wed May 10, 2006 12:07 am Post subject:

A classroom in 1948. The teacher asks - well children, how did you help out during the war? Yes, Bobby?

- Well uhh... I gathered intelligence for our soldiers and told them where I saw enemy troops.
- Oh that's splendid! And what did the adults tell you?
- They told me I was a good boy, that I would be a good agent when I grew up.
- Excellent! And you Julie, what'd you do?
- I helped heal our wounded in hospitals.
- Bravo! And what did the adults tell you?
- They said I was a good girl, that I would become a good nurse when I grew up.
- Marvelous, and you Johnie, how did you help out?
- Well, I handed artillery shells to soldiers when they were going to fire.
- Wow, you're so brave and what did the adults tell you?
- Sehr gut, Junge, sehr gut.
_________________
Life is a game of chess, upon the end of which, both kings and pawns are placed in the same box.

Marquise Revan De Wilde · Posted: Wed May 10, 2006 12:19 am Post subject:

There once was a brother and a sister, fraternal twins, who were approaching their high school graduation. It was getting near prom night and neither of them had a date for it. So one day, the girl approaches her brother and says, "Hey, you got a date for the prom yet?"

He says "No, why? You got someone lined up for me?"

"You might say that. Why don't you take me to the prom?"

"Take you? You kidding? You're my sister!"

"Well, are you taking somebody else out?"

"You know I don't have a date, sis’."

"And neither do I. But we both want to go to the prom, don't we?"

Her brother nods. She continues, "So we should go with each other."

The brother can't see anything wrong with her reasoning, so he tells his sister that if neither of them has a date by Wednesday evening, he will take her to the prom.

Wednesday evening rolls around. Neither of the siblings has a date, so the brother tells his sister that he'll take her to the prom on Friday.

At the prom, both of them have a good time. The brother is glad that his sister talked him into taking her. Then, while he's standing at the punch bowl, his sister comes up to him again.

"Hey, brother, let's dance."

He looks around to make sure that nobody heard her. "Look, Sis, this is the Senior Prom, okay? I'm not going to dance with my own sister at the prom, okay?"

"Don't be so shy. Look, Jimmy Elder is dancing with his cousin. So why can't you dance with your sister?"

"Oh... all right."

So they dance, a slow number. The rest of the prom passes by and after a while it's over and time to go. Both of them have had a good time.

In the car, with the brother at the wheel, the sister looks over at him and says, "Let's not go straight home."

He gives her a curious look and says, "What are we going to do instead?"

"Oh, I don't know. Just drive around."

He agrees, and after they have driven around a while, out in the country, she looks over at him again and says, "Want to find some place to park?"

"Hell," he says, "are you crazy? You're my sister, I'm not going parking with you!"

"Who said anything about 'going parking'? Let's just pull over somewhere and talk for a while, okay? It's been a busy year for both of us... How long has it been since we've had a chance to talk to each other?"

So she finally talks her brother into pulling the car over on a secluded back road, and after a few minutes of idle talk, she looks over at him again.

"Hey, why don't you kiss me?" she says.

"You've been suggesting a lot of weird things lately, you know that? I'm not going to kiss you, you're my sister!" And he reached for the ignition switch to start the car.

She reached out and took his hand. "I know I'm your sister. You've mentioned that a lot lately. And you're my brother. And don't we love each other? Why shouldn't we kiss if we feel like it?" She kissed him on the cheek and he kissed her back. After a few minutes of kissing, she whispered in his ear, "Come on. Let's do it."

"Do what," said her brother, but he had a good idea of what his sister had in mind.

"You know what," his sister replied.
"I can't do that with you, you're my..." His voice trailed off.

While he was on top of her, his sister murmured, "You know, you're a lot lighter than Dad."

"I know," said her brother. "Mom told me."
_________________
There will always be that little bit of night your flashlight can't scatter...that's we're I'll be waiting.

JetBlack87 · Black Dog Joined: 27 Mar 2006 Posts: 318

Oh, ho, ho...incest.

Anime Otaku Chik · Posted: Wed May 10, 2006 3:39 am Post subject:

Grroooosssss and horrible!!
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Marquise Revan De Wilde · Posted: Wed May 10, 2006 4:21 am Post subject:

Two men are having an awfully slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course, and they didn't bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette.

After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man said, "I think I'll walk up there and ask those gals to let us play through." He walked out to the fairway, got halfway to the ladies, stopped, turned around and came back, explaining, " I can't do it. One of those women is my wife and the other is my mistress. Maybe you'd better go talk to them."

The second man walked toward the ladies, go halfway there and, just as his partner had done, stopped, turned around and walked back.

He smiled sheepishly and said, "Small world!
_________________
There will always be that little bit of night your flashlight can't scatter...that's we're I'll be waiting.