Jokes (Stolen from HeeroYuy0905 of GW of AG)

Anime Otaku Chik · Posted: Wed May 10, 2006 5:40 am Post subject:

rofl that one was pretty good though XD They have each other's wife as their mistress... Aahhh great!
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swollenlymphnodes · Posted: Fri May 12, 2006 8:46 am Post subject:

My one and only joke.

A proctologist reaches into his shirt pocket and to his surprise grabs his rectal probes.

"Damn it. Some assholes got my pen."
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nodes aka GTBaka
PDT_Zamourai_11

eh?
*Eternally Lurking*

FallenAngel5766 · Posted: Fri May 12, 2006 7:47 pm Post subject:

A man is sitting on one of the rails of an abandoned railroad track. Another man comes out of the neighboring bushes, comes over the man who's sitting on the rail and says: "Move over, I want to sit down too."
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Life is a game of chess, upon the end of which, both kings and pawns are placed in the same box.

Anime Otaku Chik · Posted: Fri May 12, 2006 8:27 pm Post subject:

....hehe... That was..pretty lame.
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GrinfilledCelt · Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 1:21 am Post subject:

George W Bush and Condoleeza Rice are having a meeting... read on.

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?

Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.

George: Great. Tell me all about it.

Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.

George: That's what I want to know.

Condi: That's what I'm telling you.

George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes.

George: I mean the fellow's name.

Condi: Hu.

George: The guy in China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The new leader of China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The main man in China!

Condi: Hu is leading China.

George: Now whaddya' asking me for?

Condi: I'm telling you, Hu is leading China.

George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?

Condi: That's the man's name.

George: That's who's name?

Condi: Yes.

George: Will you, or will you not, tell me the name of the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was dead in the Middle East.

Condi: That's correct.

George: Then who is in China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir is in China?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Then who is?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Look Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.

Condi: Kofi?

George: No, thanks.

Condi: You want Kofi?

George: No.

Condi: You don't want Kofi.

George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi?

George: No, Milk! Will you please make the call?

Condi: And call who?

George: Who is the guy at the U.N?

Condi: Hu is the guy in China

George: Will you stay out of China?!

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi.

George: All right! With cream and two sugars.
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Songs for the flash frozen.

FallenAngel5766 · Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 1:26 am Post subject:

So there are 3 blondes on an island. They find a magic lamp. A genie comes out and says he'll grant them each one wish. First one says... "I want to be smart so I can get off this island!"

The genie turns her into a redhead, she builds a boat and starts pushing off-shore. The second blonde says "I want to be even smarter than her!" Genie turns her into a brunette and she quickly climbs into the redhead's boat.

Third blonde says "I want to be smarter than both of them!!" Genie turns her into a man and s/he just walks across the bridge, off the island.
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Life is a game of chess, upon the end of which, both kings and pawns are placed in the same box.

Marquise Revan De Wilde · Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 3:31 am Post subject:

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price. The motorcycle is missing a seal, though, so whenever it rains Steve has to smear Vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.

Steve’s girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents one evening. He drives his new motorcycle to his girlfriend’s house.

She is waiting outside for him when he arrives. "No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word. Our family had a fight a while ago about doing the dinner dishes. We haven't done any since... and the first person to speak at dinner has to do them."

Steve sits down for dinner and soon notices that his girlfriend wasn’t exaggerating. It is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen and nobody is saying a word. Steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her onto the table and has sex with her in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her father is obviously livid, and her mother is horrified. Yet, when Steve and his girlfriend resume their placs at the dinner table, nobody says a word.

A few minutes later, Steve grabs his girlfriend’s mom, throws her onto the table and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her father is boiling, and her mother is a little more pleased. But still, there is complete silence at the table.

Suddenly, there is a loud clap of thunder and it starts to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle outside and so he jumps up and grabs his jar of Vaseline.

With a look of terror in his eyes, the girlfriend’s father backs away from the table and exclaims, "Okay, enough already, I'll do the damn dishes!"
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There will always be that little bit of night your flashlight can't scatter...that's we're I'll be waiting.

Anime Otaku Chik · Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 6:28 pm Post subject:

Those were all pretty good Blue_PDT_01_28

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GrinfilledCelt · Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 4:38 pm Post subject:

NEW YORK - A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy
International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in
possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a
calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General John Ashcroft said he
believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement.

He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with
carrying weapons of math instruction. "Al-gebra is a problem for us,"
Ashcroft said. "They desire solutions by means and extremes, and
sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value.

They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as
'unknowns', but we have determined they! belong to a common denominator
of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek
philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush
said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction,
He would have given us more fingers and toes."

White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more
intelligent or profound statement by the president.

-----

POKER PLAYER

Two couples were playing poker one evening. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bill's wife, Sue, wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress !

Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced. Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?"

Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well indeed he did.
She said, " Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500." After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, John confirms that he is interested. She tells him that since her husband Bill works Friday afternoons and as John doesn't, he should be at her house around 2 p.m.

When Friday rolled around John showed up at Bill's house at 2 p.m. sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed. John then quickly dressed and left.

As usual, Bill came home from work at 6 p .m. and upon entering the house, asked his wife abruptly. "Did John come by the house this afternoon?"

With a lump in her throat Sue answered "Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon." Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did he give you $500?" In terror she assumed that somehow he had found out and after mustering her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500".

Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, "Good, I was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back."

Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player !
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Songs for the flash frozen.

Marquise Revan De Wilde · Posted: Sun May 21, 2006 5:43 pm Post subject:

A Illinois man left the snowballed streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife,whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Your Loving Husband.

PS. Sure is hot down here.
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There will always be that little bit of night your flashlight can't scatter...that's we're I'll be waiting.

Anime Otaku Chik · Posted: Sun May 21, 2006 5:52 pm Post subject:

rofl those are all great :3
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IronPoke · Posted: Mon May 22, 2006 3:13 pm Post subject:

lol, that's so evil

JetBlack87 · Black Dog Joined: 27 Mar 2006 Posts: 318

A young couple were entertaining some French guests and decided to serve snails. The husband went out to get hold of some suitable snails while his wife remained at home preparing for that evening.
It was a nice day, and after he'd got the snails, the husband decided to pop into his local pub for a drink (or two or three. )
Realising how much time had passed in the pub, he grabbed his coat and snails and ran home knowing that his wife would be wondering where he'd got to. As he charged through the garden gate he tripped and dropped the snails all over the path.
His wife heard the commotion and went to see what was going on. On seeing her husband she asked "Where have you been?"
He looked back at the snails and gestured towards the front door: "Come on lads, nearly there!"

GrinfilledCelt · Posted: Sun May 28, 2006 5:03 pm Post subject:

JetBlack87 · Black Dog Joined: 27 Mar 2006 Posts: 318