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[GrinfilledCelt]

Once or twice upon a time, there was a variable vagabond, not very bright, worrier. He was a very tall man, having to duck under most doorframes. He had dark hair and glassy, deep brown eyes that complimented his rich, dark skin. And most importantly, his name was Ted. He was also a United States Senator, though God knows why. (Especially since he was a Mexican; who knew they were into politics?) Anyway, Ted was wandering through a rice paddy in search of an inn to rest his weary feet. What made him think that he would ever find an inn in the middle of a rice field may well have something to do with the fact that he was a hopeless drunk. As he trudged along, he fell into a paddy that was unusually deep, and drowned. His family, however, received no news of this for years, and by the time they had, they'd forgotten about him!

"Well, that's what happened to that big dumb oaf!" his father proclaimed.

"Ted? Ted who?" said his mother.

"Those fools, how could they forget their own progeny?" thought Boris his loyal dog.

As time lagged on, Boris began to have more thoughts worse than these, wishing to actually harm the fools. While Ted's loyal pup plotted this family's massacre and the hapless next of kin carried on about their daily business (blissfully unaware of the dog's murderous intent), the ill-fated Ted awoke with a massive hangover at the bottom of the Stairway to Heaven. "Ugh, ouch, my noggin..." lamented the confused Ted, "they could have just asked me to get rid of the General Lee sig." He climbed to the top of the stairway to Heaven only to find a glowing troll who offered him three wishes if he accepted a contract to assasinate his arch-nemesis, a handsome prince named Prince, who was mightily handy at the electric guitar. But before the troll could finish his speech, Ted hastily made his first wish, to have blue hair. Apalled by the audacity to wish prematurely, the troll fell to the floor in seizures and puff of smoke only to reveal a very voluptuous blonde beauty clothed in the most revealing of lingerie.

"Stop fooling around, Naruto!" spat Ted, "You still haven't completed the mission I hired you for."

"Wait a minute! Who hired who?!?" retorted the troll-turned-buxom-blonde, "and who said my name is Naruto?!?"

"Oh," said Ted, "I had you mistaken for Naruto, my ninja/blonde love-child."

"I'm a fricken hot babe, in fricken hot lingerie, how could anyone mistake me for a whiskered little ninja?"

"He has this trick where he... oh nevermind. And you're not a 'fricken hot babe, in fricken hot lingerie,' you're a stinkin' troll."

"Oh yeah, then what are these?"

Skeptic though he was, Ted felt a massive nosebleed in the works while the troll/narutobabe thingy blinded him in its headlights. The troll/narutobabe thingy laughed as Ted was mired in gallons of his own nosebleed and then declared that Ted had better carry out her/it's/his contract to assasinate Prince.

The troll yanked on some sort of chain and suddenly a fifty-ton weight dropped from nowhere, smashing Ted through Heaven's floor and sending him plunging back to the world below.

Meanwhile, in his secret lair/doghouse, Boris was putting the finishing touches on his diabolical and needlessly complicated scheme. It was a plan to slowly annihiliate the family one by one, by the most gruesome means, and make it seems as if death was guiding them, to a final destinaton. Boris the dog began with the meek unnoticeable Butler, starting by leaving fabricated love notes from the masters wife, Ted's very own mother.

But, what Boris didn't realize was the house was built on a forgotten ancient tomb of fallen knights, one such knight resided there and due to his gruesome might he was nicknamed Dread, unleashed from his eternal sleep by Boris' evil, the house was shaken like an earthquake, rain poured like flood from heaven, thousands of fishes, cats, horses, cows, elephants and dogs alike fell from the sky...all of them...dead. The local weatherman vowed to never try LSD again.

Now that we have that little side story out of the way, we come back to the master one day happening upon one of Boris the dog's love letters to his wife. The master proceeded to commit family seppuku, to Boris the dog's delight since it would save him a load of trouble... even though he had no idea he was to be included in the mass suicide. The dog was so scared he pooed on carpet. Unfortunately, there was nobody left alive to clean it up!

Back to the side story, the awakened knight found himself in a strange land and before his eyes a few dead bodies including a carcass of a dog covered with his own fresh poo. Fortunately for Boris, he had a revive potion (God knows where he had it) on his person, immediately restoring 150 HP's, and thereby permitting him to explain his situation to the knight.

With a blank expression, the knight forced himself to hear the dog's voice even though the knight couldn't see the reason why he should be hearing his situation.

"Bark! Bark! Bark! Woof! Bark!" explained the dog. Suddenly, as a train passed by churning out enough steam to partially obscure the nearby land of Ocqueoc, Boris exploded into a yummy marshmallow and monkey knuckle stew. The knight hungrily devoured the resulting meal, and instantly doubled in height, with a shiny "1UP" sign flashing above his head.

"Ah ha!" he whimpered, "Now I am ready to be the first person to go over The Ocqueoc Falls in a barrel!"
_________________


Songs for the flash frozen.

[IronPoke]

Once or twice upon a time, there was a variable vagabond, not very bright, worrier. He was a very tall man, having to duck under most doorframes. He had dark hair and glassy, deep brown eyes that complimented his rich, dark skin. And most importantly, his name was Ted. He was also a United States Senator, though God knows why. (Especially since he was a Mexican; who knew they were into politics?) Anyway, Ted was wandering through a rice paddy in search of an inn to rest his weary feet. What made him think that he would ever find an inn in the middle of a rice field may well have something to do with the fact that he was a hopeless drunk. As he trudged along, he fell into a paddy that was unusually deep, and drowned. His family, however, received no news of this for years, and by the time they had, they'd forgotten about him!

"Well, that's what happened to that big dumb oaf!" his father proclaimed.

"Ted? Ted who?" said his mother.

"Those fools, how could they forget their own progeny?" thought Boris his loyal dog.

As time lagged on, Boris began to have more thoughts worse than these, wishing to actually harm the fools. While Ted's loyal pup plotted this family's massacre and the hapless next of kin carried on about their daily business (blissfully unaware of the dog's murderous intent), the ill-fated Ted awoke with a massive hangover at the bottom of the Stairway to Heaven. "Ugh, ouch, my noggin..." lamented the confused Ted, "they could have just asked me to get rid of the General Lee sig." He climbed to the top of the stairway to Heaven only to find a glowing troll who offered him three wishes if he accepted a contract to assasinate his arch-nemesis, a handsome prince named Prince, who was mightily handy at the electric guitar. But before the troll could finish his speech, Ted hastily made his first wish, to have blue hair. Apalled by the audacity to wish prematurely, the troll fell to the floor in seizures and puff of smoke only to reveal a very voluptuous blonde beauty clothed in the most revealing of lingerie.

"Stop fooling around, Naruto!" spat Ted, "You still haven't completed the mission I hired you for."

"Wait a minute! Who hired who?!?" retorted the troll-turned-buxom-blonde, "and who said my name is Naruto?!?"

"Oh," said Ted, "I had you mistaken for Naruto, my ninja/blonde love-child."

"I'm a fricken hot babe, in fricken hot lingerie, how could anyone mistake me for a whiskered little ninja?"

"He has this trick where he... oh nevermind. And you're not a 'fricken hot babe, in fricken hot lingerie,' you're a stinkin' troll."

"Oh yeah, then what are these?"

Skeptic though he was, Ted felt a massive nosebleed in the works while the troll/narutobabe thingy blinded him in its headlights. The troll/narutobabe thingy laughed as Ted was mired in gallons of his own nosebleed and then declared that Ted had better carry out her/it's/his contract to assasinate Prince.

The troll yanked on some sort of chain and suddenly a fifty-ton weight dropped from nowhere, smashing Ted through Heaven's floor and sending him plunging back to the world below.

Meanwhile, in his secret lair/doghouse, Boris was putting the finishing touches on his diabolical and needlessly complicated scheme. It was a plan to slowly annihiliate the family one by one, by the most gruesome means, and make it seems as if death was guiding them, to a final destinaton. Boris the dog began with the meek unnoticeable Butler, starting by leaving fabricated love notes from the masters wife, Ted's very own mother.

But, what Boris didn't realize was the house was built on a forgotten ancient tomb of fallen knights, one such knight resided there and due to his gruesome might he was nicknamed Dread, unleashed from his eternal sleep by Boris' evil, the house was shaken like an earthquake, rain poured like flood from heaven, thousands of fishes, cats, horses, cows, elephants and dogs alike fell from the sky...all of them...dead. The local weatherman vowed to never try LSD again.

Now that we have that little side story out of the way, we come back to the master one day happening upon one of Boris the dog's love letters to his wife. The master proceeded to commit family seppuku, to Boris the dog's delight since it would save him a load of trouble... even though he had no idea he was to be included in the mass suicide. The dog was so scared he pooed on carpet. Unfortunately, there was nobody left alive to clean it up!

Back to the side story, the awakened knight found himself in a strange land and before his eyes a few dead bodies including a carcass of a dog covered with his own fresh poo. Fortunately for Boris, he had a revive potion (God knows where he had it) on his person, immediately restoring 150 HP's, and thereby permitting him to explain his situation to the knight.

With a blank expression, the knight forced himself to hear the dog's voice even though the knight couldn't see the reason why he should be hearing his situation.

"Bark! Bark! Bark! Woof! Bark!" explained the dog. Suddenly, as a train passed by churning out enough steam to partially obscure the nearby land of Ocqueoc, Boris exploded into a yummy marshmallow and monkey knuckle stew. The knight hungrily devoured the resulting meal, and instantly doubled in height, with a shiny "1UP" sign flashing above his head.

"Ah ha!" he whimpered, "Now I am ready to be the first person to go over The Ocqueoc Falls in a barrel!"

Ted fell from the sky and hit his head on one of the fall's rocks, dying instantly.
_________________
Mugen Rocket!!!

[GrinfilledCelt]

Once or twice upon a time, there was a variable vagabond, not very bright, worrier. He was a very tall man, having to duck under most doorframes. He had dark hair and glassy, deep brown eyes that complimented his rich, dark skin. And most importantly, his name was Ted. He was also a United States Senator, though God knows why. (Especially since he was a Mexican; who knew they were into politics?) Anyway, Ted was wandering through a rice paddy in search of an inn to rest his weary feet. What made him think that he would ever find an inn in the middle of a rice field may well have something to do with the fact that he was a hopeless drunk. As he trudged along, he fell into a paddy that was unusually deep, and drowned. His family, however, received no news of this for years, and by the time they had, they'd forgotten about him!

"Well, that's what happened to that big dumb oaf!" his father proclaimed.

"Ted? Ted who?" said his mother.

"Those fools, how could they forget their own progeny?" thought Boris his loyal dog.

As time lagged on, Boris began to have more thoughts worse than these, wishing to actually harm the fools. While Ted's loyal pup plotted this family's massacre and the hapless next of kin carried on about their daily business (blissfully unaware of the dog's murderous intent), the ill-fated Ted awoke with a massive hangover at the bottom of the Stairway to Heaven. "Ugh, ouch, my noggin..." lamented the confused Ted, "they could have just asked me to get rid of the General Lee sig." He climbed to the top of the stairway to Heaven only to find a glowing troll who offered him three wishes if he accepted a contract to assasinate his arch-nemesis, a handsome prince named Prince, who was mightily handy at the electric guitar. But before the troll could finish his speech, Ted hastily made his first wish, to have blue hair. Apalled by the audacity to wish prematurely, the troll fell to the floor in seizures and puff of smoke only to reveal a very voluptuous blonde beauty clothed in the most revealing of lingerie.

"Stop fooling around, Naruto!" spat Ted, "You still haven't completed the mission I hired you for."

"Wait a minute! Who hired who?!?" retorted the troll-turned-buxom-blonde, "and who said my name is Naruto?!?"

"Oh," said Ted, "I had you mistaken for Naruto, my ninja/blonde love-child."

"I'm a fricken hot babe, in fricken hot lingerie, how could anyone mistake me for a whiskered little ninja?"

"He has this trick where he... oh nevermind. And you're not a 'fricken hot babe, in fricken hot lingerie,' you're a stinkin' troll."

"Oh yeah, then what are these?"

Skeptic though he was, Ted felt a massive nosebleed in the works while the troll/narutobabe thingy blinded him in its headlights. The troll/narutobabe thingy laughed as Ted was mired in gallons of his own nosebleed and then declared that Ted had better carry out her/it's/his contract to assasinate Prince.

The troll yanked on some sort of chain and suddenly a fifty-ton weight dropped from nowhere, smashing Ted through Heaven's floor and sending him plunging back to the world below.

Meanwhile, in his secret lair/doghouse, Boris was putting the finishing touches on his diabolical and needlessly complicated scheme. It was a plan to slowly annihiliate the family one by one, by the most gruesome means, and make it seems as if death was guiding them, to a final destinaton. Boris the dog began with the meek unnoticeable Butler, starting by leaving fabricated love notes from the masters wife, Ted's very own mother.

But, what Boris didn't realize was the house was built on a forgotten ancient tomb of fallen knights, one such knight resided there and due to his gruesome might he was nicknamed Dread, unleashed from his eternal sleep by Boris' evil, the house was shaken like an earthquake, rain poured like flood from heaven, thousands of fishes, cats, horses, cows, elephants and dogs alike fell from the sky...all of them...dead. The local weatherman vowed to never try LSD again.

Now that we have that little side story out of the way, we come back to the master one day happening upon one of Boris the dog's love letters to his wife. The master proceeded to commit family seppuku, to Boris the dog's delight since it would save him a load of trouble... even though he had no idea he was to be included in the mass suicide. The dog was so scared he pooed on carpet. Unfortunately, there was nobody left alive to clean it up!

Back to the side story, the awakened knight found himself in a strange land and before his eyes a few dead bodies including a carcass of a dog covered with his own fresh poo. Fortunately for Boris, he had a revive potion (God knows where he had it) on his person, immediately restoring 150 HP's, and thereby permitting him to explain his situation to the knight.

With a blank expression, the knight forced himself to hear the dog's voice even though the knight couldn't see the reason why he should be hearing his situation.

"Bark! Bark! Bark! Woof! Bark!" explained the dog. Suddenly, as a train passed by churning out enough steam to partially obscure the nearby land of Ocqueoc, Boris exploded into a yummy marshmallow and monkey knuckle stew. The knight hungrily devoured the resulting meal, and instantly doubled in height, with a shiny "1UP" sign flashing above his head.

"Ah ha!" he whimpered, "Now I am ready to be the first person to go over The Ocqueoc Falls in a barrel!"

Ted fell from the sky and hit his head on one of the fall's rocks, dying instantly.

THE END
_________________


Songs for the flash frozen.

[Hungry Mongoose]

Once or twice upon a time, there was a variable vagabond, not very bright, worrier. He was a very tall man, having to duck under most doorframes. He had dark hair and glassy, deep brown eyes that complimented his rich, dark skin. And most importantly, his name was Ted. He was also a United States Senator, though God knows why. (Especially since he was a Mexican; who knew they were into politics?) Anyway, Ted was wandering through a rice paddy in search of an inn to rest his weary feet. What made him think that he would ever find an inn in the middle of a rice field may well have something to do with the fact that he was a hopeless drunk. As he trudged along, he fell into a paddy that was unusually deep, and drowned. His family, however, received no news of this for years, and by the time they had, they'd forgotten about him!

"Well, that's what happened to that big dumb oaf!" his father proclaimed.

"Ted? Ted who?" said his mother.

"Those fools, how could they forget their own progeny?" thought Boris his loyal dog.

As time lagged on, Boris began to have more thoughts worse than these, wishing to actually harm the fools. While Ted's loyal pup plotted this family's massacre and the hapless next of kin carried on about their daily business (blissfully unaware of the dog's murderous intent), the ill-fated Ted awoke with a massive hangover at the bottom of the Stairway to Heaven. "Ugh, ouch, my noggin..." lamented the confused Ted, "they could have just asked me to get rid of the General Lee sig." He climbed to the top of the stairway to Heaven only to find a glowing troll who offered him three wishes if he accepted a contract to assasinate his arch-nemesis, a handsome prince named Prince, who was mightily handy at the electric guitar. But before the troll could finish his speech, Ted hastily made his first wish, to have blue hair. Apalled by the audacity to wish prematurely, the troll fell to the floor in seizures and puff of smoke only to reveal a very voluptuous blonde beauty clothed in the most revealing of lingerie.

"Stop fooling around, Naruto!" spat Ted, "You still haven't completed the mission I hired you for."

"Wait a minute! Who hired who?!?" retorted the troll-turned-buxom-blonde, "and who said my name is Naruto?!?"

"Oh," said Ted, "I had you mistaken for Naruto, my ninja/blonde love-child."

"I'm a fricken hot babe, in fricken hot lingerie, how could anyone mistake me for a whiskered little ninja?"

"He has this trick where he... oh nevermind. And you're not a 'fricken hot babe, in fricken hot lingerie,' you're a stinkin' troll."

"Oh yeah, then what are these?"

Skeptic though he was, Ted felt a massive nosebleed in the works while the troll/narutobabe thingy blinded him in its headlights. The troll/narutobabe thingy laughed as Ted was mired in gallons of his own nosebleed and then declared that Ted had better carry out her/it's/his contract to assasinate Prince.

The troll yanked on some sort of chain and suddenly a fifty-ton weight dropped from nowhere, smashing Ted through Heaven's floor and sending him plunging back to the world below.

Meanwhile, in his secret lair/doghouse, Boris was putting the finishing touches on his diabolical and needlessly complicated scheme. It was a plan to slowly annihiliate the family one by one, by the most gruesome means, and make it seems as if death was guiding them, to a final destinaton. Boris the dog began with the meek unnoticeable Butler, starting by leaving fabricated love notes from the masters wife, Ted's very own mother.

But, what Boris didn't realize was the house was built on a forgotten ancient tomb of fallen knights, one such knight resided there and due to his gruesome might he was nicknamed Dread, unleashed from his eternal sleep by Boris' evil, the house was shaken like an earthquake, rain poured like flood from heaven, thousands of fishes, cats, horses, cows, elephants and dogs alike fell from the sky...all of them...dead. The local weatherman vowed to never try LSD again.

Now that we have that little side story out of the way, we come back to the master one day happening upon one of Boris the dog's love letters to his wife. The master proceeded to commit family seppuku, to Boris the dog's delight since it would save him a load of trouble... even though he had no idea he was to be included in the mass suicide. The dog was so scared he pooed on carpet. Unfortunately, there was nobody left alive to clean it up!

Back to the side story, the awakened knight found himself in a strange land and before his eyes a few dead bodies including a carcass of a dog covered with his own fresh poo. Fortunately for Boris, he had a revive potion (God knows where he had it) on his person, immediately restoring 150 HP's, and thereby permitting him to explain his situation to the knight.

With a blank expression, the knight forced himself to hear the dog's voice even though the knight couldn't see the reason why he should be hearing his situation.

"Bark! Bark! Bark! Woof! Bark!" explained the dog. Suddenly, as a train passed by churning out enough steam to partially obscure the nearby land of Ocqueoc, Boris exploded into a yummy marshmallow and monkey knuckle stew. The knight hungrily devoured the resulting meal, and instantly doubled in height, with a shiny "1UP" sign flashing above his head.

"Ah ha!" he whimpered, "Now I am ready to be the first person to go over The Ocqueoc Falls in a barrel!"

Ted fell from the sky and hit his head on one of the fall's rocks, dying instantly.

THE END

...of Chapter 1 of 247, in Book 1 of 12.

[GrinfilledCelt]

Chapter Two

The first time I saw Walter, he was deep in thought as he handed out fried eggs to people driving through the toll both on the Turnpike.
_________________


Songs for the flash frozen.

[IronPoke]

Chapter Two

The first time I saw Walter, he was deep in thought as he handed out fried eggs to people driving through the toll both on the Turnpike. Boy, I wonder if he even knew what sort of crazy things were going to happen to him in the next 33 hour.
_________________
Mugen Rocket!!!

[GrinfilledCelt]

Chapter Two

The first time I saw Walter, he was deep in thought as he handed out fried eggs to people driving through the toll both on the Turnpike. Boy, I wonder if he even knew what sort of crazy things were going to happen to him in the next 33 hours.

He was wondering why no one wanted his fried eggs - after all, it worked so well for the Coneheads - when a cop pulled up.
_________________


Songs for the flash frozen.

[Dread_Knight^Samurai]

Chapter Two

The first time I saw Walter, he was deep in thought as he handed out fried eggs to people driving through the toll both on the Turnpike. Boy, I wonder if he even knew what sort of crazy things were going to happen to him in the next 33 hours.

He was wondering why no one wanted his fried eggs - after all, it worked so well for the Coneheads - when a cop pulled up. The cop was in fact none other than the infamous murderous midget who's out on a killing spree and Walter was on the wrong place at the wrong time.
_________________
The mark of my divinity shalt scar thy DNA.